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Question: Sending ex girlfriend pregnancy advice?

(Posted by: merdok1981 on 2011-03-24 10:56:38)

About 8 months ago, I broke up with my girlfriend, we had been together for 11 years (met at 17). Last week I got a message from her saying that she had been seeing a guy for almost 8 months and that she had accidentally become pregnant. She is now 10 weeks gone. She tells me she is happy but I know her very well and I know when she is not being 100 % honest, I also managed to get a bit more information out of one of her sisters and she tells me that she does 'seem' happy (but again, she's good at that) but that he is quite a dull person and when I saw a photo of him he REALLY is not her type at all. At first I was very jealous and upset but now I've had a week to 'get over it' I am just left feeling worried about her, I made the right choice leaving her (she was a terrible girlfriend really) and I do not want her back, however after 11 years it's impossible to not care about her. So, my question is: I know that her family don't give enough of a crap about her to make sure she is doing the right thing. I almost feel as though it is my responsibilty to do so, if she is truly happy to have this baby then I am all for it but I can't help feeling she was very lonely, rebounded and got pregnant and is now convincing herself that everything is fine. We ended on good terms and although I don't have any contact with her anymore I know I COULD have this talk with her but I'm not sure if I should. Does anyone else have an opinion on this? BTW I am a very tactful person, my plan would be to give her an opportunity to talk things through with me rather than just say "GET AN ABORTION " In reply to the first answer: I'm someone who cares about her a great deal and I want her to feel that she has someone to talk to if she needs to. Don't get me wrong, I dont WANT to do it, it would be painful as hell even to see her in that condition but as I said, her family do not care and her new boyfriend (who may be lovely for all I know) will obviously not want to hear that he may be a rebound. Thanks guys, To be honest I kind of knew I would get this sort of response but I think I needed to hear it. Her family do know but they are a very selfish bunch and don't care enough to give her advice. I'll stay clear, if she asks me (which I doubt she will to be honest) then I'll be there for her to talk to. I'm not trying to be a 'white knight' or win her back or anything, I've had a girlfriend of my own for a couple of months and I'm already happier with her than I ever was before, however she wasn't a rebound, it took me months and a lot of lonliness to get over my ex and I'd hate to think that she made a life- long mistake and ruin her career just because she is lonely, especially if I could help. (btw before the comments start, my current girlfriend is aware of the situation and knows I'm just trying to work out the right thing to do, she knows I have no romantic feelings left for my ex). Re: The jealousy, it was more jealous that someone had taken my place I guess, it's sor

Posted by: Take it or leave it! on 2011-03-24, 11:00:55

Who are you to talk to her about getting an abortion????????????????????? Nobody! If she wanted one she would have gotten one. I'm 100% Pro Choice but I don't understand what your intentions are, and why you feel as if you have the right to suggest anything to her about her baby.

Posted by: McKale on 2011-03-24, 11:03:06

Please do not take this wrong...but you are no longer a concern of hers and the last person to talk to her about her situation. Maybe she IS very happy about her Pregnancy.

Posted by: GYNUWYNE on 2011-03-24, 11:11:37

It seems to me that you still have some lingering feelings for her and this is natural being you were together for so long. You admitted ot getting jealous even, so that only proves it. I don't think that you can have an unbiased opinion for her being that you stil have emotions for her. It is not something that you should approach her about. If she comes to you for your opinion, then that is another story and you go ahead and give it, but only if asked. You can tell her that you are here for her any time she wants to talk. That's it. It sounds like she is choosing to keep the child and stay with the father so if you get involved, you will be butting into their relationship where you have no place. If you care about her, and I know you do, stay out of it. Let them handle it.

Posted by: But Inside I'm Screaming on 2011-03-24, 11:12:53

You are not a part of her life anymore. You may care about her, but you're not a couple, or even really friends anymore, so leave her be. It's her life, her problem, her choice. How do you figure that she's not being 100% honest from one message? I believe you're suffering from a bad case of wishful thinking, and you want to be the white knight in her life, when really, she probably told you she was pregnant to rub her happiness into your face.

Posted by: Linds on 2011-03-24, 11:30:37

Actually it really does sound like he is a rebound. Does anyone in her family know that she is pregnant? I think that would be the first step. The next step would be for her to tell her boyfriend. Because honestly whatever she decides to do isn't just her decision. He has a say in all of this to because he helped create the baby. And lastly, if she still feels lost and has no one else to turn to then yes be there for her. Be there as a shoulder or an ear for her if she needs that. I dont' think there's anything wrong in doing that.

Posted by: Common sense isn't anymore.. on 2011-03-24, 11:44:24

Honestly, I don’t think it is your place. I think it is very nice that you care, but this is her life and anything you say will be through the lens of “He misses me/ is jealous/ wants me back� Take your pick. It won’t be received as you hope. If she rushed into it, that is sad, but it is her life to mess up. Additionally, there is the very real possibility that he *is* her type and she is madly in love with him. You assume he isn’t her type based off your experiences with her when she was still figuring out who she was. It is entirely possible her type has changed over the years and she didn’t bother to share that with you. This may be a joyous occasion for her, not something negative. This man may not be a rebound.