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Question: I need some relationship advice please!?

(Posted by: on 2010-08-30 03:26:42)

My husband and I are separated. We still have one night each week when we will have a date night and we always end up making love. Do you think it is okay to do this, or should we abstain until we are back together? We are getting back together in about a month, but some things need to happen until he comes back home. What do you think? I feel like we do this in order to remain connected emotionally and physically. I am asking this anonymously because I am slightly embarrassed. If you know who I am, please keep it to yourself. I am just trying to get some unbiased opinions. Thanks!

Posted by: Conteszah Balbyo on 2010-08-30, 03:28:51

I think its okay.:) you've been together before and it only means you cant stand being apart.. congratulations by the way..:)

Posted by: Amanda Everage on 2010-08-30, 03:29:18

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Posted by: Christie Brucks on 2010-08-30, 03:29:58

You need to abstain if you would like to get back with him. as things are now, his life just became easier. making a marriage work is tough.

Posted by: Holly Smith on 2010-08-30, 03:31:52

Hi well i'm happy to hear youre getting back together in a month, but maybe on one of youre date nights you could try work out whatever thing needs to be worked out? or you could do something and not have sex, if you do that i know it may be hard as its like a habbit and you would both want it, you may be able to see if there is anything else but sex between you two? also if you do abstain til youre back together it could make it more special when you do good luck xx

Posted by: Rudie Can't Fail on 2010-08-30, 03:33:35

Without knowing more about the reasons why the two of you split in the first place, this is some general advice: Sex is usually a bad idea when you're unsure of a relationship. Physical intimacy confuses things, and can create a false sense of emotional closeness. I think you ought to hold off on the sex until you know for certain that the issues that drove you apart are well and truly resolved, and that you have a genuine emotional connection with one another.

Posted by: Bree on 2010-08-30, 03:35:23

I think this just shows that you can't stay apart to long...which is awesome. only a good thing:) and congrat! hope everything works out^^

Posted by: fox on 2010-08-30, 03:43:28

You've split and gone from marriage intimacy to one night a week hook up? he still gets to have your body for his pleasure and yet nothing for you has changed. apart from not only having sex with his wife, he is separated so essentially behaving like a 17yr old on heat, and shagging everyone else with your permission!! do you think he will change if he still gets to sleep with you and the rest of the world. he is having his cake and eating it too!! is that what you want? he hasn't changed and yet you still give him praise by sleeping with him. treat him like a pet dog. when he does as you ask, then he gets praise for being a good dog. if he cannot behave and be brought to heel, he doesn't deserve praise

Posted by: Lelee on 2010-08-30, 03:50:36

I hope you do not have children. I would wonder who else he is spending nights with and how many.. Be sure to use double birth control You can not be trying to get back together if you are 6/ 7th separated..Are you the one that spends your nights else where? You are not connected emotionally and rarely physically , One of you just wants to control the other. You could be just a convenient piece of a** Who is stringing the other along. Who pays what rent? i can see why you are embarrassed by this separation. It is certainly more off than on. Why would he want to get back with you full time he now has the best of two worlds. Sex at least once a week that takes no effort and nothing special. He gets six nights a week to play with your blessings. Talk about having his cake and eating it too. This can't be something a female mind would think up. He made vows before God and everybody. Why would he ever be honest with you.

Posted by: authoritative on 2010-08-30, 06:57:29

You are emotionally still under your partner's control. It's hard to comment not knowing all the details of your issues and what caused the separation. In reality you should completely separate and sort out the issues with a professional. Making love (or having sex) each week is not going to solve your relationship issues but just put them on hold and prolong them. Sex is an easy fix and you don't stay together long enough for the issues to arise. This behavior can also relate to your self esteem and need to have emotional support. You must sort out the issues and resolve them before you allow him home otherwise it will never be resolved and the problems will continue. Respect yourself above all.

Posted by: Blaze on 2010-08-30, 09:19:50

I have seen this happen and been envolved in something like this before. Let me tell you something from my experience: I am guessing that you want somethings changed before he comes home and those things are not to your liking yet, so I am working on that assumption, for that is what it sounds like. If he is not changing his ways, changing the things that you require of him for your relationship to work, then slow down and abstain. Men tend not to do what you want them to do as long as they are still getting some. Sex is like a victory to a lot of guys, subconsciencely even to the ones that claim it not to be. If victory is acheived, then what is the point of working toward bettering yourself if you do not really want to? Also, you need to talk more about the issues. If something is an issue with him for you, he does not need to understand that it is an issue, but why it is an issue and how it really makes you feel. Us guys work on this level of logic. If you women say something, for the most part, we need to understand why it is and the full ramifications of it before we really care. It is our thought process and the way we act. I hope the best for you and your husband and I hope things work out for the best for both of you.

Posted by: byebye on 2010-08-30, 10:13:19

Hearts. Apparently you are working on your issues, and if this is not a "one sided "attempt to bring your marriage back together, follow your heart. God speed to you.

Posted by: Catharine Oaxaca on 2010-08-31, 02:22:36

No need to feel embarrass.....I feel that you need to connect to your husband mentally, emotionally.Connecting with him on a physical level one night of the week is really confusing your focus on your relationship.You need to take this time to figure out where you both felt a need to be apart and fix it.A marriage is a sacred, it should not be played with.You both took a vow for better or for worse, in times like this worse is when the better of both of you must fight to keep it together.My anonymous friend please find yourself spiritually, know that in times of confusion you are never alone, God is always there,most of all follow your heart, I wish you luck.....