Relationship Advice Homepage

Question: Ending a long term relationship advice please?

(Posted by: Chelsea on 2010-03-08 20:42:20)

I am a senior in high school and have been dating my boyfriend for the past year. I am going away for college and he is not and we both know that we are not going to be together forever but still its hard...i thought that we would at least make it to the end of the summer but now im having doubts about even making it until the end of the school year. I could explain all the ups and downs of our relationship but that would take forever so the gist is we never had that much in common to begin with, as i have gotten to know him better i liked who he was before i got to really know him i guess because i saw him from a different perspective things are obviously not good if you are disliking someone the more you get to know them, i am at a point where i am having more fun hanging out with my friends than with him but to conflict with all of these obvious reasons we shouldn't stay together other than the fact the he smokes almost everyday and that has a bad impact on our relationship he is really a genuinely nice guy who repects me and treats me well. Hes not a bad guy and i perfectly enjoy his company i just think that i have settled or am just plain satisfied or content with where i am but am not particularly having the time of my life. We have already been extremely close to breaking up so this is sord of my second chance that i already gave him for things to get better and im at square one. We actually had a really great day today we went swimming and hung out and had some intimacy if you get what im saying and these thoughts are completely irrelevant to how i was feeling but then i had about a 2 hour talk with one of my best friends who knows both of us and its just to the point where im comfortable and could go on but whenever anyone asks my opinion about how i really feel about how my relationship is i always seem to come up with what i just told you and how we shouldnt really be together. Its hard because im really close with his family and even some of his extended family i know things like that shouldnt be the reason to stay in it but it does make it hard its a lifestyle that ive adjusted to. Im at the point where i dont need to break up with him and could at any moment but its not an emergency its just i want to do what i want to do as a senior in high school with my friends and not feel trapped or limited in terms of going on vacations with guy friends or anything like that because i have a boyfriend. im not lookign for another relationship and dont like anyone its just an evaluation. Im not really sure what im asking but more than opinions should i break up with him now even though its random and nothing is really wrong? what should i do? who else has been in my shoes? anything will help thank you btw i didnt lose it to him which isnt really important but it does remind me that im his first realtionship but hes not mine which makes me feel more guilty i jsut feel like im breaking his heart the first is hard to lose but i get what you saying yea i think everyone gave me pretty good advice

Posted by: Breakupandlove on 2010-03-08, 20:51:16

Just do it. Tell him and you'll feel better about the whole situation. Like you said you know you're not going to be in this one forever so why prolong it when you could be hanging out with the people you really want to hang out with instead of writing this question and feeling bad about it.

Posted by: J on 2010-03-08, 20:46:22

Ugh, I stopped at 'We both know we're not going to be together forever.' Just stop the relationship now, what's the point if you don't want to make it last? ):

Posted by: emmyrules22 on 2010-03-08, 20:47:46

Listen, I didn't have to read past sentence five to know the very common situation you are describing. He's nice. Your nice. The relationship has run it's course, and it's pretty much over. You'll both move on. You breaking up with him will not be the end of his world. And vice-versa.

Posted by: CBE on 2010-03-08, 20:50:36

I've been with the same guy for over 2 years and were transferring to different colleges in the fall, so I somewhat understand. We definitely want to stay together and have no problems with things being long distance. It just sounds like you don't want to stay together while you're in the same town, so why bother with long distance? Plus, when you first go away to college, you're going to want to be able to meet new people and make new friends and not be worried about what he's doing at home. It sounds like you've already made up your mind to end things. Talk it over with him, see what he thinks about it and if you really don't want to be with him, just end it now. It'll be easier than breaking up when you're far from home, anyway.

Posted by: aimee on 2010-03-08, 20:50:57

If you know you want to end it sooner, then you need to just do it. He will be hurt but he will get over you and move on. If you know he is not the one for you, don't waste another day, because the people you are both meant to be with are out there waiting to meet you. If you ever really cared about him, you will let him go so he can have a happy life.

Posted by: Sam on 2010-03-08, 20:53:17

You said the answer in the question... "we shouldn't stay together other than the fact that he smokes almost everyday and that he has a bad impact on our relationship he is really a genuinely nice guy who repects me and treats me well. Hes not a bad guy and i perfectly enjoy his company i just think that i have settled or am just plain satisfied or content with where i am but am not particularly having the time of my life. " you need to tell him that. find out what he thinks. you gave him a second chance, but what did HE do with it?

Posted by: vtruong_2 on 2010-03-08, 20:54:05

1. If he does not treat you like a god then then you are better off without him 2. If he is a good guy to you, he would not restrict you from doing the things you want, reasonably 3. Your education and future is way more important. 4. Just because you lost "it " to him, or he was your "first " doesn't mean that he will be your final 5. Have fun, go out, and do what you want because when college comes, you'll be dating the books 6. College is fun Good luck! I know you will be fine. Everyone goes through a "symbolic death " every once in a while. It's what makes you stronger!

Posted by: Kynta on 2010-03-08, 21:02:38

You don't need to have "something wrong " to break up with a guy. Hearing from you, you know what you want. Let him know that your lives doesn't gel much together. Yes you enjoy spending time with him, but you prefer your freedom more. You can still be friends. Sweetie, this is your life, your future. If you're not happy or satisfied with your r/ s now, you will never be in future! Take the courage, step out. Easier said than done. Ask yourself, can you imagine your life without him and will you be happy? There is so much more to life and if this r/ s restricts you from experiencing the world, break free.