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Posted by: Keith on 2012-01-29, 14:23:04
Send her a letter. Explain you are not the reason for her problems and would not want to take him away from her, even if you could. Explain you didn't ask to have him as your father, but he is. Tell her that all you want to do is be able to get to know the man who you are 50% made of - and his family. Explain that if she never knew about you it is his fault, not yours, and you make no apologies for existing. But also explain that it is clearly difficult for her to adjust and you will leave them alone if that is what she and your father both want. Explain how it felt finding out about your father and give her a perspective from your side. Ask her to write back or meet with you to tell you what her concerns are and how she is feeling. Take the initiative on this but move slowly. Once the letter has been sent stay away. She has every right to be cautious of you because you have the potential to destroy her world and the image she has painted of him. Also use the time to assess what sort of a man your father actually is. He might be your dad, but he made no contact. Don't ruin what you have with your immediate family for a fairytale dream. She will hopefully respect this and the fact you are hiding nothing. If the worst comes to the worst and they blame you for wrecking their family they are WRONG. He and her have done this, not you. If she cant be a good wife and live by her vows then that's her problem. If your father had you whilst in wedlock with her that's more complicated but again, not your fault. Take it slow and don't expect anything other than acceptance of your existence. It should work out fine if you take this approach. This situation affect 4 people - not just you and your dad. You know this and seem a decent and concerned person so I would suggest this approach. Tread carefully and be realistic. Make sure you read the letter lots and cool down and read it again before sending it. Better still hand it to her. Good luck |
