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Question: Men i need your advice/opinion..im confused?

(Posted by: Maya C on 2012-02-03 20:13:35)

I'm so confused...i just got into a relationship with my bestfriend of 3 years. We have been together a month and a week and I've AlWAYs been 100 % honest with hhim. We used to talk about everything and be so close physically and emotionally. We spent a day together and we made love and had deep conversation where he admitted he's scared of getting hurt because its basically a constant with his family.. especially his mother. I don't think he's ever been close to anyone the way he is with me and he's told me this....he just doesn't.show me he really loves me as he says he does. We talk on the phone about once every two weeks. And at first i was doing so much for him nd making all the effort so a friend told me.to reciprocate how he treats me, so i stopped calling, reaching for a hug, kiss etc.... And i just recently told him i felt like my feelings were being ignored and i wanted our relationship to beUS not ME and HIM. I also told him i felt i was trying to get closer to him and he was pushing.me away. When.i said.i didn't think he we'd ready for a serious relationship with me he said "no its not that.... " (another issue i have is he has way to many girl friends) i didn't bring that up though nd I'm not gonna let him know it bothers me yet. After our talk be literally. Had NOTHING to say. He told me he would get back to me on how he feels because hes speechless. Then i asked him if there was anything he felt i need to work on or contribute because i know I'm not perfect. He replied "its not me. Its him " (so over played) and says it really isn't me....my question is mainly directed.towards.guys. can you men out there give me a sense of how he maybe feeling ? And how to handle t

Posted by: Chunky Lard on 2012-02-03, 20:17:08

It must be difficult when he doesn't really have a response when you voice your feelings and concerns. Just keep trying.

Posted by: Billy on 2012-02-03, 20:17:34

I think honestly he isn't ready to settle down with one girl. If I were you, I'd stop trying so hard with him, and let him see you laughing & having fun with other guys. Once he sees you aren't falling all over him, and other guys are interested in you, his tune will change.

Posted by: Matt on 2012-02-03, 20:18:28

He might find it awkward after the "mutual pleasuring. " That is probably my bet. I mean, think back to when he was just a friend. Wouldn't you have been weireded out to the thought of having sex with him. Maybe he went out with you not knowing the difference between friendship and love.

Posted by: Sean on 2012-02-03, 20:18:58

He doesnt want you to hurt him he loves you sooo much but he thinks that if he gets atached to you and you break up then hell be seriously hurt and he is trying to make sure he is never inpain

Posted by: B on 2012-02-03, 20:19:07

Ah girl, he's playin you! thats the kinda crap i tell chicks all the time.

Posted by: Meagan on 2012-02-03, 20:19:31

I may not be a guy, but i dated my best friend. we were very close. what you need to know is men don't share there feelings like we do, they don't show how they love you the way we do, for instance, i tell my boyfriend i love him, i give him hugs n kisses, he will give me hugs pick me up from work, buy me lunch things like that. not all guys are all about emotions. they wont always give you hugs n kisses an tell you how much they love you. my boyfriend has so many girlfriends, but i know at the end of the day I'm the one he comes home to :). males will always be secretly paranoid about our male friends. its a territory thing. i hope you get some comments from some males, since i can only tell you what my bf has said :) good luck

Posted by: George on 2012-02-03, 20:19:43

He's not lying. its not you its him. let him be. he is not capable of love. trust me

Posted by: paintballer on 2012-02-03, 20:20:55

Might be because he is scared of commitment? idk

Posted by: Miller30 on 2012-02-03, 20:30:57

You are together, if you are uncomfortable about something then you should tell him......but you also have to trust him.....don't become controlling telling him who he can and can't be friends with, because im sure you have guy friends that he is worryed about you around..... alot of girls get mad at us guys because we have friends that are girls, .....and society understands that....but yet when a girl has guy friends, society seems to be ok with it....its like if a guy has friends that are girls everyone thinks he is going to cheat on his gf, but everyone sees girls with her guy friends and its ok...its a double standard....it is ok to have friends of both sexes when you have a gf or bf....aslong as you are loyal and trust each other.....and im a real guy and i would never cheat on a girl i am with, and I hope that that girl would never cheat on me, but your friends are your friends, you can not just blow them off cuz your gf or nf is uncomfortable with it, its all about trust and comunitation, thats the key to a relationship, you have 2 talk about how you both are feeling and things you have problems with or elese it bilds up and when you get in a argument or something it all comes out and ruins the relationship! good luck, but he should give you attention 24/ 7/ 365, I have not had a gf in a long time and i want true love with a special girl and when / if I meet her, id never want to let her go, and i would tell her I love her all day long!!!

Posted by: Varg on 2012-02-03, 20:37:38

There is some vague information here, so I am going to make some assumptions. If he has family issues he may have a closer relationship with his mother and sisters (if he has any). This will commonly lead to him being able to associate better with women, and he may feel more comfortable talking to and hanging out with women. If this is the case, than him having a lot of girl friends may not be as big of an issue as you perceive. This kind of association with women can lead to a behavior pattern more closely resembling women, especially in regards to relationships (i.e "it's me, not you "). If he has seemed to be honest with you all along prior to you becoming a couple, than I would not jump to a conclusion that he has changed in that manner. I would say the best way to handle it is to have several heart to heart conversations. Too much can lead to overload and be more damaging in the long run. Obviously both of you had completely different views of your relationship, so it is time to see why that happened and whether it is worth the time and energy to repair that problem. Then you need to work together on your concerns to create a more healthy relationship. You may also consider talking with him in the manner in which you would like a man to discuss relationship issues with you since it seems he may be more minded in that fashion.