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Question: If asking for money for ur wedding/honeymoon is a big no no, then why are these couples getting tons of $$$?

(Posted by: CC 9/24/11 Bride on 2011-04-06 11:39:56)

You hear about it all the time..don't (other than a registry) ask for gifts and don't ask for money. I also believe it's not a good idea to ask for money. However on www.thebigday.com...couples are able to make a honeymoon registry where they ask for money to be spent on their honeymoon. I looked through a lot of registries..and some of these couples are making tons of money. One couple already has $3500 to go to their honeymoon. Another couple $2800..and another $2975. (yes, this is alot of money in my book) Whey are guests giving this money...if asking is a big no no? My Fiance and I are busting our butts saving up for our honeymoon..and we STILL can't afford to do everything we would like to do..I admit, I'm a little jealous of these other couples getting a honeymoon at no cost to them. because I said so- - why use our own money for our honeymoon? Honestly, that's such a strange question to me. 1) we want to leave for our honeymoon as soon as we are married, not months later. 2)We don't expect anyone else to pay for it. but seeing these couples on this website makes me wonder...???

Posted by: Perse on 2011-04-06, 13:01:12

People mostly give wedding gifts not because they want to, but because of a sense of obligation so this allows them to get the obligation over with as painlessly as possible, no thought involved, no shopping, etc; Think of it more like a business transaction than an actual heartfelt act. The guests basically look the other way as the couple begs for money and the couple looks the other way as people shove money into their pockets instead of actually showing they care. I hate how much greed is tied in with weddings.

Posted by: YellaGurl on 2011-04-06, 11:42:26

I have no idea.. this is a great question

Posted by: Jessy on 2011-04-06, 11:45:30

We registered for buyourhoneymoon.com because we already had everything we needed except money for our honeymoon. You don't ask for money, you simply put...gifts are not necessary but gladly received, a small token towards our honeymoon is a great way to sew a seed. We paid for our whole honeymoon this way and many people felt it was a great idea and loved the idea they were giving us something that would benefit us and create a lasting memory.

Posted by: Because I Said So on 2011-04-06, 11:46:23

A honeymoon registry is different than actually coming out and asking for money because it makes the guests feel like they are actually buying the couple an item for their honeymoon. For example once I bought a friend of mine dinner in Italy instead of sending her a wedding gift. But the dollar amount of the dinner wasn't disclosed on the website for other guests to see! The amount of each guests' gift is confidential. You should wait and take your honeymoon a few months after your wedding. That way you can count up all your gift money and THEN make your trip plans. Why would you try to pay for it before the wedding using your own money?

Posted by: Kristy on 2011-04-06, 11:47:35

Some people play into these things for sake of convenience. I would rather have someone put thought into their gift... And if I were ever to give to a honeymoon registry or something like that, you bet your bottom dollar I would send that person a bill when I wanted to go on vacation next. It's not the guests responsibility to pay for your vacation. Is it nice when they do? Sure. But it's exceptionally rude to expect them to (like the people with those registries do!). People will gift money without a registry to give it to, no worries. What these people have logged is only a fraction of what people who don't have a registry tend to receive where I live. I wouldn't worry about it, people will gift you cash whether you asked or not and you will save face by not asking. For example, we had a gift registry and still received almost $10,000 in cash gifts for our wedding. Don't worry about them, it'll all come together for you. Good luck!

Posted by: Nox on 2011-04-06, 11:49:19

It's tacky and I find it rude, but maybe the people in these particular couples lives are different. The point is it is not up to the guests to pay for the wedding or the honeymoon and that is why you do not ask for money. Karma will get those greedy people back, it always does.

Posted by: seamstress on 2011-04-06, 11:55:40

My guess is that this couple is doing a lot of marketing. As in, they have a web site with lots of their wedding information listed for the guests to read. They, for instance, may have a registry section where they list their registry wishes for gifts and travel. Once a guest visits their web site, they decide what to chose to give the couple. This is not out and out asking, it is just a suggestion. It, of course is not listed on the wedding invites, but, perhaps with the shower invites or the save the date notices, the couple's web site is broad casted. Some couples give little info in the save the date cards so the guests are forced to visit the web site. Like I said, it is all about the marketing of your wedding. Sounds crass, I know. But, with the invention of the computer, the world is changing rapidly and most of us cannot keep up with what cyber space is doing to our lives. Our society is changing as a result of the computer technology and convenience of literally having everything at your finger tips. For instance, I spend WAAAAY too much time on the computer. Like right now. EDIT: I might also add that perhaps it is too easy to ask for the registry items (honeymoon) on the internet because there are those companies offering it and heck, why not if it is available....regardless of it being classless. Brides are brainwashed into getting whet ever they want regardless of how tacky it is. It is almost like permission is granted if it can be had over the internet, so they register for honeymoon money. As long as businesses are selling (giving permission to sell) their services, people will be buying them, I suppose. Personally, I just could never bring myself to stoop so low to plan a wedding and honeymoon and expect my loved ones, family and friends to foot the bill for me. But, times are a changin'.

Posted by: Tiger81 on 2011-04-06, 12:00:17

There's nothing wrong with putting out the word discreetly that you prefer cash gifts or that you have a honeymoon registry. The etiquette faux pas occurs when people list registries in their wedding invitations. That's what is meant when people say it's rude to ask for money. It's rude to ASK for any gift but people still have gift registries for various events.

Posted by: Miss_Krysten on 2011-04-06, 12:00:59

People think those websites are just a nicer, more subtle and discreet way of asking for money. When i see these, i still think "ugh, how could you seriously ASK for money!?....pathetic. "

Posted by: C J on 2011-04-06, 12:03:00

'Whey are guests giving this money...if asking is a big no no? " - People still give money even if you don't ask. Its fine to have such a registry but you can't ask people to do it. All you can do is when they ask you (your family or bridal party) if you are registered, they will just do it there. That said, guests still have the option of giving you something else or nothing at all.

Posted by: BloopieBlooper on 2011-04-06, 12:06:10

Why do people do it? My guess is the people that go along with this are family members who had plans to help the couple anyway, by buying them one of the "big " gifts had they created a registry or giving them a big check to help them start out. There is also the convienience factor. You don't have to write a check, pick out a gift or purchase a gift card. I went to a wedding where the bride and groom had a honeymoon website. I did not go to the site, I just gave them a check. At the the time I thought it was clever...but now that I think about it, it was very tacky and presumptious. People who create any kind of registry or honeymoon fund are assuming people are giving them a gift in the first place. And have decided they will go on a trip they cannot afford without waiting to see IF they get gift money or not. So let me get this straight, you have planned a trip you don't know if you can afford and want your friends to pay for it? Under no other circumstances would this be acceptable, why should getting married by any different? My problem with the friend was that her and her husband had a huge, lavish wedding and each had bachelorette/ bachelor party WEEKENDS. They didn't scrimp on the costs and had very nice things which i believe her parents paid for....but you cannot spring for your own honeymoon to Europe? I think many people who do go along with this think it's tacky but are too nice and classy to say so. I see no reason for a honeymoon fund website. Just don't set up a registry and people will give you cash if they want to give you anything. Putting the website up is pushy and trying to peer pressure people into doing it. I know it's tempting to feel jealous. I have known plenty of people the last several years that have their weddings paid for by family. Some of them are just fortunate and their parents offer and have the money. Some of them overstep the bounds and ask their parents to pay for their wedding. For those that are doing these tacky things, well why are you jealous? You have class and that' s something money and a wedding registry cannot buy.

Posted by: lil Ms. on 2011-04-06, 12:27:57

I'm assuming they have this registry (hopefully) instead of a regular bridal registry with a department store. I suppose people look at it the same way: its not technically "asking " if they're registered for it. And ultimately, guests have the choice to take it or leave it. Asking for $200 for a dinner in a nice restaurant is pretty much equal to asking for $200+ set of pots and pans. So what's the difference? My soon to be brother in law registered at honeyfund (a similar site) for their cross country drive honeymoon from the east coast. They asked for nights in various priced hotels, gas gift cards, dinners out, money for picnic lunches and my favorite, "or just contribute some money to pad our bank account ".....I almost had a stroke from that one! In my opinion, I think couples should pay for their own honeymoons.....I can say this because mine is $3000 and I've been working to pay that off. I understand the whole registering thing, and there are ways to go about it, but most of the time people get greedy and cross that line of class just so they can get what they want. They don't realize, people like ME will talk about them and shake their heads for months afterwards lol.