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Separation Marriage Homepage
Reliable separation marriage information
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Separation...marriage salvageable or not?
My husband and I separated last week after one year of marriage. The year was filled with problems. For ex, porn. He likes it better than his beautiful wife. Then, when I caught him, he lied to me about doing it and tried to convince me ALL men use porn and refuse to be intimate with their wives. He says porn is normal in a marriage. Im not mad at porn, just that he relies on porn as an escape from reality and because it has affected our intimate life. He pulled away sexually and withheld sex using porn to get him thru as a tool to punish me when he was mad at me. He lied to me. About stupid stuff like loaning his brother money. He tells white lies but they mount up and I dont trust him with the big stuff cause of his tendency to lie over nothing. He got involved with some shady deals designed to " make money" nothing illegal, per se..just risky stuff like loopholes and tax stuff and I objected to it since we are married and I dont want to be involved. He barely took me out and when I point it out, he feels as though I ask too much. For ex, he goes out to dinner with friends but hasnot taken me out. I asked him to take me out and he said he did to his best friends wedding. He was the groomsman and he spent the evening drinking and wasnt available to me, He is emotionally unavailable and shuts down when I try to talk to him about the problems in our marriage. He has been on the couch 7 months of our 1 year marriage. He doesnt seem to think its a problem. Truthfully, no cheating to my knowledge . No drugs. No alcoholism. Just a difference of priority and dedication to our family that tore us apart. I feel that he puts us me and the kids second and he feels that my expectations are too great. To make a long story short, I asked him to move out for awhile so that we can decide what to do next file for divorce or try again . We have only been apart a few days, but I am very disappointed in him. I was hoping that the separation would put things in perspective for him and that he would " wake up" and realize that our family and this marriage is important. So far, no such luck. I have learned that he is searching personals online and is looking at porn. The point of separating was for him to take some space to think about things so that he we could make a decision about our marriage. I see no evidence of him thinking about us or doing anything to make the marriage work. All I see is him passing time by searching the net for his options. We have children. I am being VERY accommodating and have made it clear that the kids come first. I am putting our kids needs first and am holding my tongue so that things can remain peaceful and amicable during the separation. Meanwhile, he refuses to talk about boundaries of the separation. For example, I wanted to do a controlled separation. Where we work on the marriage and take time apart to make an effort to get to know ech other again, date each other and reconnect. I wanted to iron out the terms of the separation but he wont address it. He just wanst the chips to fall where they may. I am not holding my breath, but I guess I am holding on to hope that this marriage can be saved. However, I know that I cannot control his behavior and that he has to WANT to make an effort to save the marriage. It does not look to me like he is interested in saving it. It seems that he is just using the time apart to fulfill his own needs and to detach. As to kids, he is a good dad. He is making time for the kids not enough, but at least they are not getting shorted . Am I asking too much? Will separation help or lead inevitably to divorce? I know this is kinda vague, but wanted some thoughts from outsiders looking in. What do u think? How should I approach this? Should I sit him down again? File? Or just leave him alone and see what happens. Ugggh I just dont want to be take advantage of. Im being really cool about everything letting him come over when he wants to see the kids and to keep things smooth. But, I feel stepped on. Advice? Thanks so much Sorry this is so long to clarify, YES we tried counseling. It was at my request and he agreed to give it a try. But, he never completed the written assignments in counseling you know, the ones designed to help couples get to know each other better and to help communicate . He never opened up in counseling. He was defensive and I got sucked into his drama sometimes we ended up just using the counselor as a referee to air out ongoing and past issues. Ironically, the counselor sided with me on most of the issues. Although, she did seem to think I needed to lighten up a bit. Lol.I know what the answer is its just that I need to hear it....again and again to help me to do what I gotta do. Its like the song by Pussycat Dolls I hate this part right here....thanks, AnaBella.
Separation/marriage legal Question?
Hi,I have a question about if it is possible to be separated from your spouse, we do not want to get divorced, just need to live on our own for a year or so, because we need our space, and considering that we have 3 kids, and all of them will be living with me during our separation,and I need extra support from the government, is there any such thing as a legal document to prove you are separated in the state of WA. I know you have to have documents to prove divorce, but how about separation for a while? Also, do I need legal seperation documents for me to get benefits and support, or could I just tell them verbally?Please, serious answers only.Thank you.10 Points go to the best answer
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