You felt giddy, smitten, and were walking on air. Your heart went
pitter patter and your breath was shallow whenever you were around your
honeypie. You were busy with work and responsibilities, but you would
always catch up later. At this phase you wanted to spend all your
waking hours with your sweetheart.
But then came love, then came marriage, then came Junior in the baby
carriage. Suddenly, there are bills to pay; places to go, repairs to do
and you’re just tired all the time. You relent with a sigh, “so this is
marriage?!”
Whether
you’ve been married 12 months or 12 years, it doesn’t have to mean the
honeymoon is over. Think back to the effort you made initially when you
were wooing your partner. You get what you give. If you give a humdrum
effort day in and day out, that’s what you’ll get in return. If you
give romance and spark, guess what? You’ll get the same in return?
Forgot how to do that? No worries. Here are ten suggestions to help
jump start your hibernating marriage.
1. Drop off a cup of coffee and an apple to your spouse at work. Don’t
stay; just say you appreciate the hard work and thought he/she might be
ready for a break.
2. Place a note in the sole of his/her shoes “You’re my heart and sole.”
3. When your spouse gets home from work have a picnic all prepared – in
the bedroom. Picnic blanket spread across the bed, beverage of choice,
shrimp, strawberries, bread. If the kids are around, have a pizza
waiting for them and tell them that the parents need some time to
discuss some things.
4. If you live in a winter climate, take your wife’s/husband’s clothes
(assuming it’s not a suit or dress) and put them in the dryer first
thing in the morning. Getting dressed into warm snuggly clothes in the
dead of winter is a real treat.
5. Leave a love note in the purse or briefcase.
6. Participate in one of your spouse’s activities that you’d rather
not. Go fishing with him, go to a play with her, walk the golf course
with him, take her shopping – just try it. Even if it’s not the time of
your life, the fact that you wanted to do something he/she enjoys will
speak volumes.
7. Go for a walk and be sure to hold hands!
8. Have some sexy pictures taken of you. Even if you use your own
digital camera in your spouse’s favorite outfit (or lack of one!) Most
cameras are equipped with self timers. Leave a picture in the lunch box
or have it waiting in the car with a note “meet me for lunch at noon at
xxx.”
9. Switch chores. If you don’t normally take out the trash, do it this
week. If it’s usually her job to do laundry, just do a load.
10. Compliment your spouse often. Don’t say it if you don’t mean it,
but there is always something positive you can say. Whether, “I
appreciate you working hard every day for us,” or, “That dinner was
fantastic,” or, “That outfit makes you look really hot.” Whatever – so
long as you’re sincere and you keep them coming!
Hopefully this has given you a start. Please give it some thought. Your
random acts of kindness need not be time consuming nor expensive. Just
remember, a little goes a long, long way!
Steve
Roberts, "The Couples Guy," is an
experienced
Marriage and
Family Therapist who shares tips and real life
relationship
secrets from over 20 years of
practice.
For the past decade he has been the Director of Counseling for the
Samaritan Counseling & Education Center in Colorado Springs,
CO.
Married 29 years to Pam, his partner
in life and
profession, he has
personally known the peaks and valleys of the couple
experience.
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