When will he divorce her? If the question has to be asked, then the
answer is probably, "Never." The question implies that it has already
been too long and that the promises are not being kept.
Why would a woman hang on, when it would appear to most outsiders that
there is little chance of him leaving his wife and marrying his
The answer is never simple. Every person has their own story. However,
it is usually some kind of emptiness story. It may be a woman in an
empty marriage, waiting for the fulfillment promised with her lover. It
may be a single woman unsure of her worth and glad to receive what
attention she can. It may even be a very accomplished woman that has
"fallen" for a man that "sweeps her off her feet" and then won't come
through with the finish of the story.
In each case, there is the
initial titillation of playing the
hide-and-seek game. While this game grows old for the woman, it
continues to provide adrenaline and thrill to the man. This is a
reinforcement for continuing with things as they are. He may feel like
the guilty school boy, but there is a large part of him that enjoys it.
It's not that he doesn't care for her. He undoubtably does. But he also
cares for his wife, his children, his home, his car, his career, and
his good standing in the community. He cares, but not for her alone. It
is obvious from his behavior.
You might wonder how a couple
themselves to get in such an untidy if not immoral position to begin
with. It's been my experience that, except for the serial cheaters,
most couples slide into these relationships through companionship, not
expecting anything more to come of it. Some get there because their
values allow a
casual fling and they find themselves much more deeply attached than
they ever intended.
So, what do you do, if you're asking about when he will divorce her?
You could expose your relationship with him, hoping this will force his
hand and he will leave her. Alas, he probably won't. You'll probably
just force them into marriage counseling together.
Your best option is to find a life for yourself apart from him. Very
few people can leave a relationship without another to go to. So, force
yourself to date others. Attempt to find relationships that promise as
much or more than the one you are waiting upon.
If you are married, then get to work on that relationship.
marriage counselor. Work out your issues in the context of your
existing relationship before trying to move on to another.
Oh, and what if he does divorce her? He cheated once (with you), why
would you ever trust that he wouldn't cheat again on you?