"My whole life has pretty much been one bad
experience after another. There have been good moments, but I am always
dealing with some kind of bad stuff. Whether it be home,
relationships - you name it - always something bad to deal
How do I get rid of the cloud that hangs over my head?"
experience is far
more common that you might think. And, if this
is your personal experience in life, you probably think that you're
just about the only one. I assure you that you aren't, and that you're
not crazy, and that with a whole lot of personal work on yourself life
can be quite the incredible journey. Remember, I know personally of
what I speak.
I Learned About How This Gets Started
put, for most of us
the Cloud gets started in early childhood. We face painful experiences
from poor parenting, abusive people around us, or some kind of loss
that could not have been prevented by the best of intentions.
very tender young
age we form coping behaviors to deal with the pain and fear. If you
think of your earliest life memories, they probably represent something
of how you believe the world and you to be. You could have chosen many
different things to remember, but you somehow chose to remember just
these particular memories. That is significant.
instance, my earliest
memories are of making mistakes of some kind. My belief was
I'm some kind of a "screw up."
have these early
beliefs, an incredible, but terrible thing occurs. Our brains start
looking for evidence that supports these beliefs, and discounts the
evidence that would contridict them. I've always been able to identify
how I "screw up" but rairly could claim my true abilities and
you're stuck on how
illogical this seems, please realize that we're not very consciouscreatures.
We're only 10%
consciously aware. The other 90% is unconscious and runs on some fairly
primitive programs that are very, very connected to the fight or flight
keep this short,
the summary is: We create distorted beliefs early in life to explain
things and to protect ourselves in some way, and then as adultswe
either interpret the events in our lives in these negative ways, or we
may even create events to match our expectations.
word for it,
you've got to read books on this simple idea to really understand how
deep and persistent it is.
I Learned To Do About It
the tough part.
What worked for me will not exactly work for you. You developed your
own particular storyline along these broad guidelines. This is where it
helps to have a therapist, coach or mentor at your side. Your recovery
needs to be tailored to you.
what it is worth,
here's a quickie version of my Cloud story.
years I believed
that if I just found the right environment "outside" of myself that I
would feel better. This meant finding the right friends, the right
food, the right job, the right vehicle, the next enticing thing, or
even insisting that people around me behave in certain ways.
didn't work. The
problem came from inside me, not from the outside.
therapy. It helped a little. But mostly the guy just listened and
stared at me. Big deal.
training, I fortunately found a supervisor that really cared
about me and started me on the road to caring about myself. At least,
to the degree that I could at that time. This was the real start of my
don't find this in
your first therapist, keep looking!
a really down
time and decided that I needed to try anti-depressant medication. Even
though I had referred many people for medication, I still had trouble
with the stigma attached to such drugs. But I did it anyway.
Incredible! It was
as though I had been color blind and could now see in color for the
first time in my life! I walked around amazed that most other people
felt this way most of the time.
made for wonder in
my marriage. No longer was I irritable all the time. I regretted all
the years my spouse had to put up with me that old way!
over 10 years
ago. As with so many, the first couple of good years didn't last.
Anti-depressant "poop-out" syndrome occurred repeatedly. I tried many
other medications along the way. 5.
About 6 years ago I
took up meditation. That's a challenging discipline for somebody with
ADD! I credit meditation as breaking loose some of the blocks so that
later success could come my way.
years ago I tried
writing daily affirmations to myself as so many success gurus suggest.
This helped in many other areas of my life, but the Cloud was still
Finally, I asked
spiritually for the removal of the Cloud. Two months later I had the
experience that enlightened me. I saw deep within me how I create the
feelings, and therefore, how I can control them. This was nothing I
hadn't known consciously before, but now I knew it deep, deep within me
in an unconscious place I cannot even describe.
think that having
been a pastor or a pastoral counselor for over 20 years that this would
have been my first step. But I think it took all the other steps to get
me into position for the final magic to work. I don't believe there is
a quick fix for any of us.
it is a
spiritual journey. To follow the metaphor, the Cloud is blocking the
Light from our lives, and it is a rediscovery of this Light that
enables our choice to remove the Cloud each time it reappears. The
Cloud does reappear.
Once we have this old programming that believes things to be a certain
way, it tries to come out from time to time. But we get better and
better at putting it away and making the choice to see the wonder all
around us and especially the wonder within us.
a while we get a
quick push, as I did two years ago, but mostly it is a slow dawning of
letting a little more Light in each day.
I mention there's
no quick fix? You'd best find that counselor, mentor, or coach right