Genetics may play a factor. There is a theory that some men are more
susceptible because of high testosterone levels and high sex drive. The
theory suggests that men are programmed from prehistoric times to
ensure the survival of the species by being sexual with as many women
as possible.
Certainly some men have very high sex drives, but this is no reason for
unfaithfulness to a partner in today's world of overpopulation and
rampant divorce. Just like any other health issue, there are better
ways available than giving in to the urges.
Another reason men cheat is the sense of challenge. They enjoy getting
away with the affair, as well as the challenge of finding other women
with whom to cheat. They enjoy the conquest more than anything.
Sure they enjoy the sexuality of the affair, but the pursuit, sneaking
around, and the orchestration of the affair give the adrenaline rush
that is more important than either the affair or the current
relationship.
Men also cheat because of competition with other men. If their friends
are single or cheating on their partners the man may feel he has to
keep up with his friends.
This competition also fits in with the ego boost men will usually feel
when in an affair. They feel desirable, powerful, and like a winner.
They take pride in their ability to attract women and don't care that
doing so may destroy their relationship. Often the excitement of the
chase is more important than the conquest. Sometimes, just knowing
that other women find them desirable is enough of a stroke that an
actual affair is not even necessary. In general, it is a lack of
self-esteem that drives them to reaffirm their attractiveness and
desirability.
There usually is some difference between men who repeatedly cheat and
those who have a single affair and then are rather surprised to find
themselves in such a situation. The last reason for cheating is more
likely to apply to this second group.
A man who is in an undesirable relationship is an affair waiting to
happen. If the relationship has begun to wane and the man no longer
feels the same attraction, he may find himself moving from boredom
toward the excitement of another woman. It often starts as an innocent
friendship that goes too far.
While the wise thing for such a man to do would be to either end the
deteriorating relationship or go to work on making it better, many men
hold on to it for safety while becoming involved with someone else.
All these reasons contribute to why men cheat: genetics, competition,
self-esteem, and boredom. None justify the breaking of faith with a
partner and the resulting loss of true emotional intimacy. However,
understanding the problem helps us move toward the solutions in future
articles.
Steve
Roberts, "The Couples Guy," is an
experienced
Marriage and
Family Therapist who shares tips and real life
relationship
secrets from over 20 years of
practice.
For the past decade he has been the Director of Counseling for the
Samaritan Counseling & Education Center in Colorado Springs,
CO.
Married 29 years to Pam, his partner
in life and
profession, he has
personally known the peaks and valleys of the couple
experience.
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